First Thought Worst Thought

Now that I have a decent amount of "awareness", I recognize that my first impulse is often to say the wrong thing. For instance, today is Christmas and my wife asked me to watch as she opened some Farmville presents. Seeing that you can get hundreds of gifts and each one can be opened individually and is interesting, but my fear of wasting precious time kicked in and I said "This is terrifying, it could be a horrible time suck!" Her fear kicked in and her stomach started hurting as it has lately under pressure and duress. Not that I always blurt out the wrong thing, but I want too. I should have shared her joy for awhile and (truthfully) observed, "Wow, hundreds of interesting presents, this is really awesome!" Then I might have bowed for some reason, or perhaps I could have worked in my concern a lot more deilcately. The point is, ego is so often there at the forefront, ready to rain on others parades, mine too I"m sure. ACIM calls it "The raucous screams of ego"'. The antidote? Stop, look, listen, and sit stay, heel, like we tell our kids and dogs. Stop, look, and listen for "The still small voice" of wisdom and compassion, of God. I'm not really a bad guy, but I do have issues. Unfortunately, my wife seems like a safe target to me, the victim to my internal abuser. Those tables get turned at other times, and I'm on the receiving end. Especially, as I said, if I go with the first thought out. What I'm getting at here and advocating, is to hold the tongue for a moment and be more thoughtful. "Looking deeply" is how Thic Nhat Hanh describes it. He also advises "loving speech" which is really what I'm getting at here. This is extra difficult for me because I already tend to freeze up and be unresponsive. That pisses people off too. Maybe a "hmm" or "I see" would do. Bottom line, I don't have to comment on everything or answer every question right away, I can rest in God a moment and see what comes up.