Relationship Sanity

Working the program of Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families it has become exceedingly clear that family dynamics are of the utmost importance. I must now add that others outside the family but close enough to help or harm us can have profound effects as well. We may have spent significant time at a family business, school functions (band, sports, clubs, etc), churches, and other places where we were available to be influenced by others. Besides, even one horrific moment of abuse can have lifelong effects. Accordingly, we must become aware of, and work through our childhood development issues or we are DOOMED to make vain attempts to unconsciously recreate our family of origin and attempt to fix everyone and their problems with people and situations least able to achieve this for the rest of our lives. Does the sound like the definition of insanity? Yes. Am I exaggerating? No! This is pivotal. The whole of our recovery from the detrimental effects of difficulties of growing up In alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional families or situations rests here. Therefore we must come to know our inner child (wonder and wounded), our inner parent (loving and critical), and our true parent, a loving Higher Power as we understand it. We must do the hard work necessary to realize clarity in our thinking and behavior to understand what is needed to bring about real and lasting change. Our passion must become compassion, for ourselves and others, but mainly our family of origin or the ones who took their place.  Attending ACA meetings at retreats spring and fall for thirteen years and now over a year in weekly meetings (as of 7/12), I have gained a keen understanding of their plight. Many grew up in extreme situations being beaten, burned, berated, and verbally, emotionally, spiritually,and sexually abused. These people are survivors, but good Lord, what a high price they have paid. Many will never regain the trust necessary to have deep and meaningful relationships even if they recover enough to avoid the traps of addictions and self hate. Are you one of these survivors? Maybe ACA and everything that goes with it is for you. For the sake of yourself, your family, your friends, and all life, give it a try. It works if you work it, and you're worth it!