Showing posts with label Claustrophobia vs Spaciousness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Claustrophobia vs Spaciousness. Show all posts

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Claustrophobia vs Spaciousness

Trapped and alone. That's how life feels sometimes. Like I'm being squashed. For me the most difficult situation is when I can't get out to lunch, or am stuck so I can't go home early or even on time. We work twelve hours so it is a long hard day and in my work you are on your own as there is very little help or support so it feels very personal. I get so f-n angry I swear and yell (to myself) and want to smash things (sometimes do). At lunch I go up to the top of the parking lot (five stories) and feel the openness, the "spacious skies." I also look down on my work and the streets below and note how silly and small our struggles look from up there. I like deserts too as they are also still, quiet, and spacious. There is room to relax, to breathe, and think clearly. It may seem funny to consider spaciousness as a power tool but I am dead serious about it. Once I imagined turning into the Hulk and smashing buildings, buses, and billboards. I made my way home towards Santa Monica leaving a path of destruction. When I smashed through the freeway bridges at the 10 and 405 and saw the vast ocean and sun through the clouds in the distance I was touched. I sat down and began to weep. I shrunk down so small I crawled into a drainpipe and went to sleep. I often return to that image when I stress out to help bring me down again. That's what spaciousness can do. Give it a try next time you "Hulk out."