A Strong Rope

A Strong Rope

Rumi: "Why stay at the bottom of the well when there is a strong rope in your hand"? I often think of things as being on a spectrum, a line from one extreme to the other. This is because life is filled with paradox, as my eastern teachers say, good rests on bad, bad rests on good, happiness on sorrow, sorrow on happiness, and so on, for pretty much everything. It all depends on our point of view. A lion attacking someone walking in the mall downtown somehow seems tragic, but if they were walking alone in a deep jungle we might say they were asking for it! Also it's like the story of the man who loses his horse, but it comes back with others, his son breaks his leg, but doesn't have to go to war, etc. There is a bigger picture and the story is long.                  

 Disease, dysfunction, and insanity are on a spectrum too, and at the other end; well being, functional living, and sanity. Personally, our character and personality have a broad expanse as well. We may be somewhat dishonest, hateful, angry, jealous, punishing, with  a host of other maladies on one end, and a really awesome, loving, giving, kind, and helpful person on the other. Which one is true? I consider the wise one the "true self". It doesn't mean we don't get totally caught up and lost in the false self of wounded inner child and critical Higher Power and critical inner parent at times, it means the loving Higher Power, loving inner parent, and inner wonder child are always there too, however much buried in bullshit.                                                                                                             

These are our better selves, our best selves, our perfect selves. I now recognize this spectrum also goes vertically, with the bottom being the pit of suffering, sorrow, and despair. There is a gravity to that damn hole, like a black hole in space sucking up everything in its grasp, so powerful even light can't escape it's pull. It really sucks in so many ways. Unfortunately if that is what we grew up with or spent a lot of time with, it becomes "the new normal" and we get so used to it we will fight to stay there.

Because life has its difficulties, or we could say storms, conflicts, battles, or even wars, we run for cover and safety. Where do we run, to home perhaps? But what if home and family is the source of our distress? Some run away to other possibly more dangerous places, some fight back as best as they can, others turn inward, shutting down and shutting out their broken world. It often starts out as a foxhole, a "depression" we crawl into to avoid getting hurt.  

We gathered sticks and stones around to protect us from a frightening and dangerous would. The walls may have become so tall and thick no light, no love could get through. The pit gets deeper and deeper over the years and wounds. Stuck inside our the boundaries of our fears, the urine and feces accumulate as well. We find ourselves covered with the rancid mud in our eyes, ears, nose and mouth. No wonder many have places on their bodies that feel "dirty" due to the abuses they have received in those areas.                                                                                                                                   If we are fortunate, through kinder family, friends, counselors, therapists, recovery programs, spiritual and other leaders, we might gather strength to look up. Even then the night, storm, or war may go on for years. Through the our efforts and those of others the clouds eventually clear, the stars show brightly, the moon reflecting light and life in through the cracks. This is the strong rope of which Rumi speaks. The day will turn to night, the sun beaming in to warm heart and soul. We may peer through the cracks in our walls to see a better world on the other side.

After the night, storm, winter, and war have played out and their energy subsides, we may again see the green of growth, blossoming, and blooming beyond the fortress walls. We also may also hear kind, and caring voices talking, singing, and laughing, as well as birds singing, and soft breezes blow. Can you see the life beyond your prison walls? can you hear the voices, the laughing, the symphony, the songs? A world of joy, cooperation, and play?

It isn't fast, easy, or painless, as it may take countless encounters and years of hard work to make significant headway, but we are worth it! Even if we knock down the walls, we are often still in the pit. We may try to climb out again and again only to fall back down. Remember this is first on the external level of what is going on in the world good and bad, and secondly what goes on inside, how we think of ourselves. Wise people use the blocks and transform them into stepping stones for a stairway to freedom and functioning.                            
Even if the walls are down, the sun is shining, and it is safe to escape we may be stuck for a time. Prisoners with their doors swung wide take time to process what has occurred and build the confidence to venture out and live again. And what is it like to live out there in the big and bright world? What is it like to live in connection with our community, friends, family, and intimates? For those climbing out from the depths of perhaps decades of isolation and despair this is just the beginning of life, of really living. 
I can't tell you. This is something each of us has to discover for ourselves. If we didn't get these crucial lessons growing up or they were crushed in dysfunction, trauma, and abuse we can yet learn anew. It is never too late. Again, we may go to safe, kind, and loving family, friends, counselors, therapists, or recovery programs for help.